JUST FUCKING COOK IT: French Toast

Cookbooks are informative but boring, so I decided I may soon be making a cookbook or Youtube cooking channel called ‘Just Fucking Cook It’. So, this would be my entry of how to make yourself some French toast:

You want to make French toast? Fucking brilliant, because it’s some darned tasty toasty shit you’re getting yourself into. Get yourself some bread, eggs, golden fucking syrup, milk and some sugar. No, the golden syrup and sugar is not optional. Do not question me if you want a tasty meal. So help me, I’ll poison your food if you don’t shut up and do what I say.

Okay — you want to get on with your life, so let’s just fucking cook it.

Attention Seekers that Self-Harm Have Problems Too

We live in an age where people in general seem to understand physical ailments to some degree, but still don’t fully comprehend psychological ailments; this isn’t a surprise, as the brain is a very complex machine and psychological issues are obviously more difficult to see than physical ones. These days, there seems to be a trend of (what is primarily teenagers) turning to self-harm for various reasons. It’s looked down upon, mocked and often not properly understood — and that’s understandable, because it’s hard to teach someone about the issues surrounding it. Reasons for people doing it are, of course, varied: they may be suffering from genuine problems in their private lives and find that harming themselves works as a stress relief, they may think this is a way to ‘punish’ themselves for something, or they may simply be doing it to garner attention. Cases of self-harm are all-too-often viewed by peers to be the latter and therefore a non-issue — but is it, and would that not still be an issue?

The 60 Songs that Made My 2012

Just as I did last for 2011 for my basically abandoned and unused Tumblr, I kept a note of all the songs I seemed to listen to on a frequent basis throughout the year. I genuinely kept this updated the whole of the year because I’m a bit sad like this, so the ones near the top would’ve been in January, ones at the bottom at December.

So, these are the songs that made my 2012; they are all of a mixed-bag of genres (from indie to rap, rock to R’n'B, from dance to 80′s etc.) so I can’t assure you’ll like them all. Some are old, some are new — what’s important is that I didn’t listen to these particular songs very much beforehand, even if I did other songs by that artist.

Santa Isn’t Real and Your Parents Hate You

Just to get you into that cheery Christmas spirit, I’d like to remind you that Father Christmas, the very face of Christmas nowadays, does not exist. He’s never existed and if you believed that he did, your parents lied to you. Your parents consistently lied to you for what I assume was a considerable length of time about something that you loved and trusted in them to be true, right when you were at your most vulnerable and unable to think rationally for yourself. And for some of you, they never told you the truth – you figured it out on your own. Don’t be smug you bastards, because your parents may have never told you; maybe they were forever going to lie to you.

Miserable yet? Don’t be, because let me explain why anyone that nodded along to that  is a bit of a miserable mess themselves.

Jade Cocoon – The Forgotten PS1 Classic

Though it may not look like much, the picture you see above is that of one of my favourite games of all-time. Since I very first played this RPG-esque Studio Ghibli-animated game over a decade ago now, it’s been one of but a handful of games that has stood the test of time for me and remained thoroughly enjoyable on its own merit instead of just for nostalgia’s sake. The game isn’t widely acknowledged by gamers, or even exceptionally critically praised — even by those whom this game would usually appeal to — but I’d be lying if I said that this game wasn’t, to my very specific and strange tastes at least, bordering on being fucking flawless. As a youngster, I cited this game as being my all-time favourite game for many years and it’s still high up the list for me.

That game is Jade Cocoon.

Nintendo Block 18+ Rated Content on Wii U’s eShop During the Day

Brought to light by NeoGAF forum member Panajef2001a following a back-and-forth of e-mails with Nintendo of Europe’s customer support, Nintendo has seemingly laid down a rather peculiar restriction for Europe on the Wii U: all 18+ rated content on the eShop is blocked for everyone, with it only being accessible from 11pm – 3am.

So why is this a big problem, who is it damaging, and just how much by?

69 Things that Worry Me

1.  I’m worried that when I get old, do I wear old people clothes and look typical and old, or do I wear younger people clothes and look out of place?
2. I’m worried that the stickers will come off of my Rubik’s cube.
3. I’m worried that my Slinky will tangle itself so badly that it’ll be unsalvageable.
4. I’m worried that I’ll look up one day and have a bird poop on my face. I like my face being bird poop-less, cheers.
5. I’m worried I’ll fall down them humongous escalators at London Underground.
6. I’m worried I’ll have more than one bee/wasp in my room. Because fuck them little buzzy shits.
7. I’m worried someone will slam my door and all my figures will fall off of my shelf.

Paranormal Activity is Good

Everyone that’s even mildly critical of films seem to bemoan the Paranormal Activity franchise nowadays and it’s understandable why. The films all hold the same premise and lack any deep plot or content other than a couple of jumps. They’re cheap, they’re carbon-copies of each previous instalment, they’re averagely acted and all use that dreaded ‘found footage’ way of filming that film fans (and horror fans in particular) seem to hate.

And yet, the Paranormal Activity franchise has accumulatively been my all-time favourite cinema experience.

LEGO DC Zombies in Space

Dreams are cool and I’ve been fortunate enough to experience some pretty kick-ass dreams. I’m generally able to recognise I’m dreaming when I am; even when I can’t, I can still objectively think about what’s going on and have an almost commentator-like perspective of it. It’s hard to explain really, but just imagine that it’s like watching a film. As a rule of thumb, dreams that I still remember upon waking up are usually not at all dull.

So what was my most recent dream? Why, me and some LEGO DC characters in space. With zombies.

Top 13 Most Disturbing Pokémon

With many Pokémon games still coming out on a yearly basis, the world is almost as Pokémon-crazy as it’s ever been. And who’s honestly surprised by this? It’s a great, child-orientated game franchise that appeals to millions of people worldwide.

Oh I’m sorry, did I say child-orientated? Ahaha, ahaha, aha – no. As anyone who’s spent five minutes in the creepy-music town of Lavender can tell you, Pokémon certainly has its dark side. Even from the get-go, if you consider the base material is about enslaving living creatures, keeping them in small, claustrophobic cages and forcing them to fight each other, you’ll realize either the developers really are blissfully unaware of the games’ creepy factor or they’re simply sick fucks. Given the following top thirteen disturbing Pokémon, my bet goes on the latter…

And by the way: none of these are personal interpretation. These are all based solely on their Pokédex entries.